I’m writing this article in late February after our community has experienced a fair amount of tragic death in this new year. I’m not sure where people will be in the grief process when this article is published, but I imagine the ripples of grief continue to strike at different intervals, some expected, some unexpected.
Grief is weird. Grief is sneaky. It is possible to go a day, a week, even months without thinking of those we have lost. And then a smell, a song, a location, something, will smack us with a wave of grief & put us on our knees. But grief is also part of the healing process. Those who grieve well, heal well. Those who allow themselves to experience the myriad of feelings grief pulls from our hearts and sends through our bodies are positioned to see new things God does after grief, after loss, and after death.
Jesus grieved. That’s something all Christians should remember. Even the Lord of the Resurrection confronted death with a grief response. It happened in John, chapter 11. Jesus lost his dear friend Lazarus. In the story, we’re told that Jesus knows he will resurrect Lazarus. But even in spite of knowing Lazarus will rise again, Jesus grieves. The depth of Jesus’ feelings are captured in two small words (the shortest verse in the entire Bible), John 11:35, “Jesus wept.” When Lazarus died, Jesus lost something. New life didn’t’ cover up loss for Jesus. New life didn’t erase the experience of death for Jesus. Lazarus’ old story was over. Resurrection started a new story for Lazarus, and a new story for Jesus, who was his friend.
And maybe that helps us understand the holy transition grief moves us through. Grief tells us a new story is being written about our loved ones, even about us. Grief tells us it is ok to close the book on an old story. Grief helps us avoid the temptation to try to return to an old life that’s impossible to return to. Grief helps us turn our eyes to the new thing God is doing with our loved ones and with us.
One of my favorite Bible verses is 2nd Corinthians 5:17, “If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone, the new is here.” Is it ok to feel like different people after our loved ones die? Yes. Sometimes healing means old versions of our selves pass away so God can bring new versions to life. Is it ok for grief and loss to change us? Yes. Again, God’s response to death and loss is never to reanimate what once was, it is to bring about something new in us. It can seem contradictory, but grief is an act of faith. Grief acknowledges death happened. And so grief is one of the first steps God uses to turn our eyes toward something new.
And finally, I hope the story of Jesus grieving his friend’s death helps us locate our own grief in the life and experience of God Himself. May we see the dance of loss and grief and weeping and rejoicing and death and resurrection as full participants in the Body of Christ as he walked this earth. And in doing so, may we allow all these things to be part and parcel of our full life with Christ as we walk this earth with Him. In the end, remember, God makes all things new. May our grief give us permission to close the book on old stories, knowing full-well that God writes new stories, for ourselves & for our loved ones.
